Expectation vs Reality

Hello internet,

my best friend from high school got engaged a few months ago. Last month I met another high school friend who told me that she was engaged. And a couple days later my little brother told me that he was engaged. See the pattern here?

Although I am beyond happy for all of them, it made me think.

My old friend seems to live the life I always thought I would live: house, job, fiancé, dog.
Basically I thought that at 25 I would be totally grown up, living an independent life and being a reasonable adult who knows where she wants to be in the near future.

Yet here I am, clueless as ever and with a height of 5’1” I’m far from being grown up, literally and metaphorically.

As a teenager I absolutely loved Gilmore Girls, and Rory seemed to have her life figured out, so I thought making a list would be a great idea.

So, here goes nothing.

Proof that I am an adult:
  • I live on my own. Okay, I have a flatmate. But still.
  • I have a cat. It’s basically like having a child.
  • I’m over 21. Legally, I’m an adult.
  • I can cook. And I don’t mean pasta and grilled cheese, although I’m pretty good at those, too.
  • I know how to use the washer and dryer. Yay me.
  • I traveled somewhere on my own.
Proof that I am not (yet) an adult:
  • I don’t have a job, yet. Does being a student count?
  • I don’t have a boyfriend. Never had. Weird, I know.
  • I don’t pay taxes. Why should I when I don’t have a job?
  • I still go on vacations with my mom and dad.

…this list doesn’t seem to be very helpful.

I spent about 20 minutes to think of something else, but I have a feeling that for me, the aspects on my list do not define whether I am an adult or not.

What is it that makes me feel so confused?

Thing is, I do want to have these “boring” things like husband and a house with a backyard.
But I don’t want to have them right now.

Right now, I would rather continue traveling the world. I would rather continue spending money on concert tickets. I would rather continue to spontaneously fly to London for the weekend.

Right now, I just don’t know what I want to do with my life on the long run. Not yet anyway.
But I have a feeling that most “adults” feel the same way. They only know how to hide it. Or they accept the path they grew in to, even if it’s not the life they dreamed of.

And I know that going to concerts and booking cheap Ryanair tickets isn’t reserved for teenagers.

So, why don’t I think of myself as an adult?

While writing this, I realised that the thing I am most scared of is losing my freedom.

In my mind, being an adult was always connected to restricting yourself, to acting your age. But what exactly means that? And who tells me to act certain ways? I thought the whole point of growing up is to not have people telling you how to behave?!

If anything, being an adult shouldn’t mean losing your freedom, but gaining it.

I should be allowed to make mistakes. I should be allowed to not know what I want yet. I should be allowed to try different paths. Fail and learn, right?!

Because if I learned one thing so far, it is that planning your life just doesn’t work for me. It might work for other people. But to me, the best things always happened unexpectedly.

And I already came so far. If someone had told me in high school that I would spend six months in Los Angeles, I would have not believed them.

I might not yet have achieved all of my goals, but I am getting there.
Slowly, but steadily. One goal at a time.

Is anyone of you going through the same thing? Or has anyone some advice? Or if you just want to say hi, feel free to leave a comment below!

Thanks for reading and until then,

yours truly

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." – John Lennon


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